Democrat Mad Men

The rebranding of Kamala

Scene 1: July 14th, Hotel Suite, Washington DC. Senior Democrat Team meet with their top advertising team, let’s call the man guy, Don.

Dem: Thanks for coming, we haven’t spoken since the Obama days, but we really need your help

Don: When you first called to tell me that someone had shot Trump I couldn’t see your problem. Not until you said that he missed. Now you have to move fast. First thing you have to do is get rid of Biden, he can’t possibly beat Trump now and his calls to get rid of Trump at any price are being associated with the assassination attempt.

Dem; but he won’t go, we have been pushing him for weeks, ever since that debate disaster.

Don: He will. Tell Jill that she has had her Jackie O’ tour, with the British Coronation and the Olympic opening ceremony last night and it’s time to hand over the keys. Tell her that the only way Hunter is going to get a pardon is if your team win. Get Clooney to write a letter - or rather send one that you write - and then do whatever dark arts you do.

Dem; But who will we replace him with?

Don: That’s not important right now, get rid of Biden first and come back in a week.

Scene 2: July 21st 2024. Same hotel suite.

Dem: Well he has gone, just like you said he would. What do we do now?

Don : Anoint Kamala Harris. It’s your only option unless you can persuade Michelle Obama to stand.

Dem: Kamala? We spent the last three and a half years trying to keep her away from the public. Why not Gavin Newsom? He looks like a President.

Don: Great hair and teeth? Taller than Keifer Sutherland and Martin Sheen, looks a bit like Aaron Eckhart? Try not to totally confuse Hollywood’s idea of a President with real life. Think about it, a white guy who is a nephew by marriage to Nancy Pelosi displaces a Woman of Color?

Dem: But she’s a disaster! Her only job was the Wall and she screwed that up and that’s one of Trump’s strongest angles!

Don: That’s why you need us. The Democrat convention is in a month. That’s our window. Week 1, we suck the oxygen out of the Trump campaign with the Joe is standing down, who will replace him meme. Week 2, we go for Trump and his new VP. Week 3 it’s all about Kamala and week 4 we have the coronation.

See you in two weeks.

Scene 3: August 5th. Same hotel suite.

Dem: The ‘weird’ campaign is certainly going well, we have got everybody on our team using it.

Don : It tested well back in the day but wouldn’t have worked with Biden in place. That would have been like Pepsi describing Coke as a revolting sugary drink. “Old and weird” are out there for us now.

Dem; You mean after years of saying that Joe was a regular guy and his age was a virtue we now pivot and say the complete opposite?

Don: Exactly.

Dem: And the fact that everyone who said Joe was ‘sharp as a tack’ was actually lying to the public? Including Kamala? You think people won’t notice?

Don: Of course they won’t. It’s called re-branding. As they say, you don’t sell the steak, you sell the sizzle. We hand them their opinion.

Dem: So what do we do with Kamala now? Do we do pressers, TV interviews? Do we have a manifesto?

Don: Goodness me no. She is still not a good candidate, not even an average one. But she is the one you have. Keep her to scripted presentations. She can go out and campaign around the country and we will make sure she gets all the airtime.

Remember though that Trump’s angle is to “make America Great Again. Your angle is to stop Trump, but you can’t say that making America Great is a bad idea. You have to undermine his character, not his ambitions. No need for policies, they will distract from the message.

Dem: And we can get the FBI and SS to limit Trump’s campaigning for ‘safety reasons’.

Don: And we announce her VP pick this week to keep the focus on us.

Dems: Who do we pick? Another woman?

Don: No a straight white guy. We suggest someone nobody has actually heard of, but from one of the swing states. Remember, nothing else matters.

Dem; Err. Do we have any?

Don: Tim Waltz.

Dem(s) Who?

Don: Governor of Minnesota. He is screamingly Liberal of course, so your donors will be OK with it, but we pitch him as a regular ‘Dad’ type. A ‘coach’. He was in the army too, so that might help a few voters who act on that basis alone and then a teacher and a football coach. Vote for the job not the guy who actually no longer does it.

Dem: Ah yes, the guy who has been saying ‘weird’ a lot on TV. That makes sense. So you have this all planned before telling us?

Don: Obviously we were doing some preparations, but this is all down to you, the client.

Dem; Hmm. OK. But what will Kamala think?

Don: She will say “Tim Walz was the kind of teacher and mentor that every child in America dreams of having, and that every kid deserves,"

Dem: How do you know she will say that?

Don: You really don’t get this do you?

Scene 4: August 18th same Hotel Suite

Dem: Well its the big Gala tomorrow and we are all off to Chicago. What now?

Don: We have Clooney, Oprah and the Hollywood crowd lined up for endorsements, the balcony boxes have all sold out for $500 thousand a pop and the glitz and money are all pumping up.

Dem: What about the delegates?

Don: They are the crowd, they want to see famous people not politicians. Apart from Obama. he’s already showbiz, which is why you are back in Chicago. But then it was us that gave him that Hope and Change thing in the first place.

Dem: And why you are here. Can we do that again?

Don: Not when you are the incumbent. It’s tricky enough trying to position your candidate as ‘new’ as it is. Better to position for nostalgia, use the imagination of the public to link back to the time when Barack was the new thing. Airbrush out Biden and position Kamala as the New Obama.

Dem: But she isn’t, is she. There’s that weird cackle for a start that makes her sound drunk.

Don: That’s why we used the term weird to describe Trump and Vance - they can’t use it against us now without sounding like kids in a playground. Even if both of your team probably fit the description far better. Projection is the best form of defence in case you hadn’t noticed.

As to that cackle, that’s the rebrand. That isn’t a cackle. That’s ‘Joy’. We are taking you back to a happy place.

See you in a week.